Late Bloomer...Maybe??

This is post I wrote 2 years ago, that is relevant to me and my life. Instead of 41 and I 44 now.

Last year I wrote about being a "Late Bloomer". (So I am finally finishing this post, and it has taken me forever to put my thoughts down.)  I mean I am 41 years old for goodness sake. How can I be a late bloomer?  Here is how I am a late bloomer: "I did not care" I didn't see the need to put any effort into myself.  My motto was and still is take me as I am or you can leave, the door is always open and I didn't think twice about letting someone know they can walk out that door and I would not care.  I felt your with me because of who I am not because of the way I dress or looked.  Even though they say most people are attracted to your looks at first then everything follows.  My "friends" always made fun of the way I dressed or would say I dressed like a boy or my favorite you would be your so pretty if you just did this or did that it would make a world of difference. (rolls eye) I did not want to be like everyone else and I still don't.  My self-confidence has always been at 80% when it came to outer appearance.  The 20% that wears down on me is I am  not where I thought I would be in life, and you know what I am just fine with that feeling.  It means I need to stop procrastinating and start making moves. I notice  most of my friends would go all out to get dress and do their makeup and was into fashion and things like that, but that wasn't me.  They put that extra effort into how they looked.  The only thing I would do is my hair faithfully.  Every two weeks a wash and set with my hair dresser. I always wore jeans and sneakers and would wear it  every day if i could.  Since I have a 9 to 5 job I have to dress appropriately.   I was never into skin care or had regimes. Never!! I always felt you had to have a lot of money to pull the looks you wanted off.  I even did my own hair for a long time before I found my hair dresser.

Once you lose friends who bring out the worst in you and  you find new friends who bring out the best in you, you want to start to change.  My BFF (inside joke) told me I need to start taking better care of myself in different ways and she is still encouraging me to do so.  Even though our lives have changed dramatically since then, we still encourage one another to be the best that we can be. She doesn't make me feel bad about myself, but she encourages me to feel better about myself.  She always told me go get your nails done or buy that shirt or get your eyebrows done, it will make you feel better.  I always said sure I will go, but  never went.  I rather stayed home and watch T.V. with a piece of chocolate cake.  I just was not into it.  I don't know why and even to this day I still can't explain why.  Now don't get me wrong, I love looking at clothes and shoes.  I give it to everyone who can create a master piece out of a couple of articles of clothing.  When I see a picture of an outfit that I like I always say to myself, I wish I could put together an outfit like the one she has on.  I probably can do the same thing but my laziness and frustration gets in the way and I go back to my safety of jeans and sneakers.

I have no kids and I am single.  So there is no excuse why I don't put effort into myself.  It is just plan laziness if that could be my reason.  When it is time for me to get dressed up and go to a wedding or a dressy function, I stress myself out so much that I get frustrated and give up.  A part of me feels that whatever I do will never be good enough in everyone else's eyes.  I feel this way with everything that I do.  I feel like people are always passing judgement on how you look and act.  It is quite annoying honestly.  As they say only one person can pass judgement and he has not walked the earth in how many years.  So keep your judgmental, negative thoughts to yourself and stop bringing people down and start bringing people up.  Be kind to one another.

I am doing this post to say that everyone has their own way of expressing themselves.  Whether through fashion, hair make-up, blogging or whatever it is, just be true to yourself.  Allow others who encourage you to change your mind in a positive way.  Stay away from the negative and as long as you are comfortable with yourself then tell everyone else to go to hell.  ( I wanted to say another word but I promised my Mom I would stop cursing)